Long Delayed Posts....

NOTE: I am still contemplating if I should post this private thoughts of mine. I already posted this on my Friendster blog but change my mind and erased my whole collection of blogs. This entry is more like of thinking out loud and not to offend anyone. This is not the time to regret the what-ifs and the past but rather look back and be reasonable enough to think that things happen for a reason. I am always a firm believer that sometimes things don't happen for no apparent reason. God always have a grandeur plan for us. It is up to us how to grab the opportunity and use it for the present.


I know it’s been ages since the last time I wrote here. Summer break is almost over and I’m really savoring the thought and the time that I would be able to squeeze some of my precious times in any outings left for me and my friends and family. I am also re-reading the Twilight saga to really feel the depth and emotions of the books and of course be close to my so-called ideal crush Edward Cullen (lol at major kaadikan to…)

Speaking of Twilight Saga, re-reading it enabled my volatile mind to picture some people in my past who I relate to the protagonists of the story. While imagining the scenario in my mind, I remember one of college friend and I miss him a lot. He’s the sun in my cloudy and gloomy days in my college days. It really seems strange that after all these years I am still yearning for his company and hoping to patch things where our bitter and unexpected separation took us. Sometimes at night he still appear in my dreams like nothing changed and in my dreams we were both good friends. How I wish I could say the same things right now.

Recently, a friend of ours passed away. During those periods, that was the time when he started to appear on my dreams. Sometimes I woke up in the middle of the night and felt the cold sensation of his touch. It was a weird and sickening feeling. After four years of not contacting each other, that sad episode was the time I remembered him. Before I used to talk to his aunt and ask his whereabouts, but after a while I decided to cut the ties to his family to let him go and help me focus on my present life along with the people included in it.

Just this night everything changed, I really didn’t know what pushed me to organize my old stuff and found my old diary tucked in the hidden nook of my closet. The reason for keeping the diary in the darkest corner of my room is to forget all those not-so good memories and the past that contributed to my almost depression. I didn’t realize that my old diary was full of HIM! I even quoted messages that came from our conversation in cellphone text. I can’t believe myself. Who in their right mind would do that? I think I was just too blind in those times where I know the answers to my questions before. I won’t elaborate further, but let’s just say he was really something for me. I know it’s the past and yet he still haunt me in my dreams like he was the ghost I wanted to avoid forever.

But what would happen if one day I came across with him in an unexpected place and time? What would I do? Would I dare to talk to him and ask how he is doing? Would I run and hide like a maniac while avoiding him? Would I casually walk in front of him like nothing is bothering me? I am definitely clueless. Reading his old letters reminded me of friendship lost and bonds that were deeply severe. How can I let go of something precious in my life? During our college days he was the one who encourage me to do things beyond my dreams and expectations. I cried buckets and scream like hell when I’m sad and mad. But despite all my euphoria and craziness, he was still my very bestfriend I needed and depended on. Up to this day, I am still grateful for his simple words that became my guiding purpose in life. In some way he helped me see myself clearly and subconsciously, he took part in achieving my dreams and goals. I was just sad that I wasn’t able to show him what became of me. What I reached and how he became part of it all.

Every time I walk on a hallway filled with people, every time I stroll to a chaotic mall and every time I browse books on my favorite bookstores, I try to picture what would it be like when we’re still very best friends. I remember those chinky eyes lit up when he laugh, his curvy smile I love, the strong hold of his arms while I walk clumsily and the narrow slits of his eyes when he’s upset or mad. I even remember his repulse on the sight of an eight-legged creature called spiders. Beyond imagination, up to this very moment I try to ask myself what did go wrong that our friendship did not survive the unexpected odds hurled towards us.

When somebody asked me what would be my very wish, I always thought if it was possible to turn back time and try to correct things that should have happened. I used to blame fate and destiny for this surly output of my present, but when I look back and think hard, I know no one was to blame but me. It was my choice to let him go, it was my choice not to be friends with him anymore and it was my choice for keeping two important people in my life and yet lost them both on different reasons. If I did take risks and dare to be more open before, I guess my life; our lives would be very different. But who knows what’s in store for us? It is always a choice. Might as well live with it and cherish the thought that we might be not friends anymore but hoping in time, we can pick up the pieces we left and start over again.

Hayyy, my sentiments are soooo long it might bored a lot of people to tears… Don’t get me wrong, I love my present life. I love the current person in the center of my universe right now. I believe it is still fate that brought us together here. Siguro Lord knows that I am not only looking for a coolest guy bestfriend but also a great partner (hopefully in the future) in life. My college bestfriend was part of that memorable college past. Those great memories (just omit the bitter ones) of us would always be cherished but I want to be happy in my present life, which I am right now. I am always thankful to have someone special in my life now. He was not just a simple boyfriend but also a great friend. He’s someone who I can talk for hours on phone and in person and someone who brings happiness in my life. Lord knows how many times we fought, disagreed and even separated for a while but we did surpass that. When I was about to fall in my lack of enthusiasm in my previous career he helped me see myself clear. When I’m in one of my sour moods he listens to me and just hugs me telling me everything would be alright. We dreamed together and planned a lot of things, one step at a time we manage to get them (kahit mabagal yung progress… at least my progress! Haha). My bf always teases me about my college bestfriend but never did he feel jealous about it. Siguro dahil meron kami parehong agreement kaya it was never brought up as big deal. Hahaha. Whatever our reasons, one thing is for sure… I love him and he loves me. I am glad for what we have right now and I am happy that whatever I lost in the past, I got it in my present and in a much higher value. Kahit pagsama-samahin pa lahat ng precious moments in the past, nothing beats the PRESENT. :D

Book-ish...

Not only I adore clothes, shoes, accessories and bags but I also heart books! Who says kikays like me don't read books??? I believe that being a bookworm enables you to expand your knowledge and makes you a good conversationalist which is of course depends on the topics and interest.

Ever since my elementary school days I love to read books until it grew into a big addiction. It started with the classics and poetry books then read Sweet Valley and Love Story series all throughout Highschool and College. After college graduation, I shift my interest into other fiction books / novels. Right now my current addiction is chic-lit books that always made my day. And this is what my room looks like with all my book I accumulated all throughout these years


The Upper Top part of my bookshelves - my old books which I hate to give away since they've been part of my younger years



My all time favorite books


My favorite chic-lits from Meg Cabot, Sophie Kinsella and other authors ;)


My recent collections of the Twilight series that's also eating up my room space :D

This might be helpful....

Lately I am reading lots of articles on quarter life crisis since I feel like I am currently undergoing on this stage... Good thing I stumble on this sensible article and this feels good to know...




It seems like at the moment a lot of people I know are going through their quarter-life crisis. A friend of mine from school turned 25 last week — three days before me — & when I was in Wellington, I was the recipient of a flurry of panicked emails. To put it plainly, she is freaking out. She thinks she is getting old. She has started lying to people about her age (23 seems to be the magic number). & she is convinced that she is going to have a stroke which will leave half her face paralysed.

She told me that recently an old woman who used a walking stick came into the shop where she was working. My friend said hello, & asked if she could help her, because the old woman had trouble moving around. The old woman stopped where she was, turned around & stared at my friend. “Promise me something,” she said, in a low, foreboding voice. “Don’t ever get old!”

This was the final straw.

Honestly, anyone who thinks the quarter-life crisis is a bogus phenomenon needs to meet my friends!



Most people who are going through this ugly process are aware that there is something wrong, but are you just feeling generally miserable or is it a quarter-life crisis? What are the signs or symptoms? Commonly, they are…

<3 Feeling like you’re not doing well enough
<3 Frustration & disillusionment with the working world
<3 Feeling insecure about what you’re doing, where you’re going & what your plans are
<3 Anxiety over close relationships
<3 Feeling extremely bored with your social life (otherwise known as, “Oh my god, I will throw myself out the window if I have to go to another party at her house”)
<3 Nostalgia for teenage years, high school or university (this often manifests itself as an obsession with looking at old photographs or reading journals & reminiscing)
<3 Feeling a desperate need to “settle down” — like buy a house, get married or have a baby
<3 ...Or conversely, wanting to “escape” the real world — like backpacking around the world or finding a nice cave to live in
<3 Financial stress or confusion
<3 Intense loneliness
<3 Feeling that everyone is doing better than you
<3 Terror at the concept of getting “old”
<3 Wondering “Is that all there is?”
<3 A vague feeling of apathy, mixed with horror, panic & depression

Of course, feeling some of these things occasionally is pretty much par for the course, & not necessarily indicative that you’re going through a quarter-life crisis! However, if all these things (or the majority of them) seem to have hit you at once, this can be quite terrifying — especially if it happens to coincide with your birthday or other milestone.

So, I’ve given this quite a lot of thought over the past week or so. Why is it that some of my friends are in this terrifying choke hold, & some aren’t? I have plenty of friends who have never felt like they were going through a quarter- (or even mid-!) life crisis. Why is that?

Well, I think I know the answer. There are two deciding factors which separate the two groups. Since they both deserve a lot of attention, I’ve split this article into two parts — the second of which is coming tomorrow.

The first catalyst for a quarter-life crisis is a lack of meaningful work.

So, the idea that your work or career (or lack of one) could be contributing to your feelings of anxiety is probably a bit of a drag to some of you — especially those of you who are in denial about how happy your work makes you. By now, we all know (I’m sure) that working just to eke out a living is not the path to eternal bliss. The people who seem happiest & most fulfilled are always those who do something that turns their crank. I know that sounds like a bit of a heavy trip, especially if you don’t feel like you’re part of that camp. Believe me, I’ve been there, & I know from personal experience that there is nothing worse than working in a job you dislike. I think the place where a lot of us stumble is that we think the work we do — or the career we enter — has to be life-changing, ground-shaking, life-shattering. It doesn’t. It doesn’t at all.

When I say “meaningful work”, my definition is that it has to be meaningful to you — & only you. As much as we would all like to change the planet, that isn’t necessary to feel good or fulfilled. My idea of something “meaningful” is pretty simple: do something that has value to you.

I used to sell advertising for a small newspaper in New Zealand. My job was to sit at a desk, go through the Yellow Pages, & cold-call businesses to try & sell them space in an unsuccessful newspaper. It was awful. It had absolutely no value to me, beyond the fact that it helped me pay my rent. I would not classify this as meaningful work. On the other hand, when I worked at Lush, I loved it! I was surrounded by beautiful products which I believed in, & I got to sell them to people who really loved & appreciated them. It helped clear their skin up, or made them feel luxurious & sexy, so I felt that was a business worth being in. I really enjoyed it, & it made me feel like I was doing something worthwhile — contributing something positive. I would call that meaningful work. Like I said, you don’t have to wash the feet of lepers to do something that makes you feel good.

If the thing that made you happiest was painting watercolours for the elderly, or walking dogs, then that’s great! I’ll say it again for emphasis: you don’t have to cure AIDS, be a recycling avenger or destroy the capitalist agenda to have a life that is full of love & wonder & happiness, or to make a difference to other people’s lives.

The great thing is that just by being who we are, & being happy, we serve as an incredible example to everyone we come into contact with. I am not a saint or a perfect person, but I feel good about what I’m doing with my life. When people ask me what I do for a living, or enquire as to what I’ve been up to recently, most of them are pretty excited to hear my response. Plenty of them give me a crazed look, before the barrage of questions begins. “So, you don’t work for anyone else? & you travel around & write from wherever you like? Huh?!”

I hope that they go home & think about how they could bring a little magic into their own lives, & I know that a lot of them do — just like a lot of you do after you discover iCiNG & start getting into the spirit of it! That’s just it — sometimes things seem impossible until we see someone else do it — & then, we often feel brave enough to give it a try. In fact, this happens all the time: you can see clear examples of this in athletics. No one can run a mile in under x minutes until they see someone else succeed, & then, all of a sudden, athletes spanning the globe can do it. Just like that. It really goes to show that the only things holding us back are our self-imposed limits or our beliefs about our own capabilities.

Having said all this, most people who aren’t doing some kind of work which pushes their buttons are in that situation precisely because they don’t know where to begin. They don’t always know what their interests are, or where their talents lie, & the whole idea is kind of scary. (Having said this, if you know what you should be doing, but are just putting it off — muster up some courage, & begin!) I think a lot of what fuels a quarter-life crisis is this feeling that somehow, everyone but you has a grand plan for their life, & they are Getting Things Done & Going Somewhere, & you’re the only person who is kind of lost & confused. Don’t be tempted to think that people with a “career plan” have it all figured out, or that their lives are perfect. The truth is, most people don’t have a master plan at all. A lot of us are just blindly feeling our way, trying to make the best of whatever situations come our way.

Ths is a long-winded way of saying don’t feel bad because you haven’t got everything all figured out. No one does. The people who think they do tend to learn the hard way that they really don’t. Life is supposed to be an adventure, & it’s supposed to be tricky sometimes! That’s what makes life interesting! If every boy you liked fell at your feet immediately, or you were suddenly a wild success without really doing anything to get there, you would be bored to tears. A bit of a challenge is good for us, because it shows us what we’re made of & proves to us the power we really have — which then helps us to go on & do bigger, bolder & better things.

Here are some things to keep in mind if you feel like your quarter-life crisis stems from a lack of meaningful work:

<3 Listen to yourself
Above all else, remember that you are living your life for you & you alone. If your life thus far has been an effort to make your parents/significant other/friends happy, believe me when I say that you are fooling yourself & wasting your time. This doesn’t mean you have to be inconsiderate or the world’s most selfish person, but you have to put yourself first. Don’t let people bully you into a lifestyle that doesn’t interest or suit you. It is a recipe for complete misery. No one wants to wake up at age 60 & realise they’ve completely squandered their life!

Often our parents, lovers, friends, religious leaders or other people in the community act as if they know what is best for us. While it’s true that everyone has a unique & valuable perspective on life, that does not mean that they are right, or that they can possibly know what our life should be like. Only you can determine that for yourself.

Listening to yourself means paying attention to what interests you, acting on what your intuition tells you (& not just shoving it down or ignoring it), & allowing yourself to grow, expand & make mistakes. Scary, yes! But once you have started living in this way, you’ll never go back. It is an entirely new experience.

<3 Take it slowly
Don’t feel compelled to rush into anything. Time is an illusion, after all, so don’t allow an illusion to dictate your life! We all feel like there’s never enough time, but if you can make the effort to slow down, be in the present & appreciate what you’re doing right at this very second, that perception will begin to change.

Life is not a race, regardless of what your friends or the media may tell you. Who are you competing against, what are you really competing for, & does it actually matter? Your best friend might have a baby & a sparkly engagement ring, while your favourite cousin has a high-paying job & an amazing apartment, but so what? Everyone’s life moves at a different speed & no one is doing better or worse than anyone else. You might be envious of your friend’s baby while she secretly wishes she was unencumbered & able to travel the world like you do.

Don’t rush! Regardless of how uncomfortable it may feel, you are always at the perfect place for you, your life, your growth, development & experience.

<3 Stay curious
As well as keeping you young, it will allow you to remain open to the opportunities that present themselves to you. Stay excited, keep asking questions, continue to move through life. It’s much better to be curious & happy than trapped in something you’re not enjoying.

<3 Have faith in yourself
Sometimes you have to take a big, scary leap into the unknown. You may not know the next step, & you might not know exactly what you’re doing, or how it’s all going to work out — but you need to have faith in yourself & trust in the process.

A lot of people never take any risks because they feel the need to organise their life to death & have stringent plans which they execute like clockwork. That’s an okay way to live, but it’s certainly not very exciting, & it can take some of the thrill out of life! Life becomes much more magnificent when you just decide to do things, & trust that it will all work out. It can be terrifying, but it’s also amazing.

When you have vexing problems or a zillion questions, know that you already have the answer — & everything else you will ever need — inside you.

<3 Be true to yourself
Become aware of the fact that what other people are doing with their lives is not necessarily right for you, no matter how fun/glamorous/cool/right it may seem. You cannot live anyone else’s life. You can only ever live your own, so don’t try to fit yourself into the mold someone else has poured.

Of course, you should try new things to see if they work for you or not. But don’t force yourself to do something if it’s not right for you, or just because you feel like you should. It will only make you feel uncomfortable. It’s much better to be authentic & cut your own path than take painful steps in someone else’s shoes.

<3 Follow your passion
This is part of having faith in yourself, but gets its own mention because sometimes this can be hard to do — especially if people around you are critical or devoted to being “realistic” all the time. People with passion are often misunderstood because they sometimes look crazy from the outside! Don’t let other people’s opinions or judgements sway you. If you know what you’re doing & you have a vision, you should follow it.

“Everyone has a talent, what is rare is the courage to follow the talent to the dark place where it leads.”
— Erica Jong

If you really feel like you’re in the clutches of a quarter-life crisis & don’t quite know how to deal with it, these books come highly recommended. Many people have said they helped a lot — they no longer felt alone in their situation, & were able to gain some perspective & take steps which helped break them out of it.

Taken from the site: http://galadarling.com/article/how-to-cope-with-a-quarter-life-crisis

Adding Up!

I am still contemplating on adding up or inviting my friends and acquaintances on my not so secret corner... For a while I enjoy being on my own and figure what to do in this so-called boring blog of mine.

For now I love to be anonymous so I can write whatever things that comes across my mind which is not just limited to my shopping escapades and my state of broken bank accounts activities but also what's running on my head 24/7.

Later I'll just figure out what to do...

Shocking Weekend and the Things I Need to Accomplish this Week...

Last night I was having fun chatting with my uncle who is based in Japan. I was selling shirts that might help me to untangle my state of being broke this coming holidays. He was bugging me when will I ever get to settle down until we came to a topic that shocked me, my sister and my mom. Here it goes...

Uncle: So why are you selling those shirts? Is it because you need money for your wedding?

Me: Nope. I will use it for other purposes

Uncle: When are going to settle down? I've been waiting for the longest time when I'm going to attend your extravagant wedding. When are you going to invite me?

Me: Will you be giving me house and lot and house appliances after our wedding?

Uncle: If there's a schedule set, I will let you know.

Me: Then I'm going to inform you after two years.. :)

Uncle: What?! Two years! You must be kidding your cousin has already a kid on the way and you're stuck on setting your wedding after two years!!!

Me: What?! MY COUSIN SCREWED SOMEONE????!!!!

Uncle: Ooops! I thought you knew the rumors back in the province.

Me: Hell NO! We didn't even know that he knocked up his girlfriend...

And there you go... me and my mom were so shocked that at the middle of the night she called my aunt who's living near my cousins and verified the rumor. Then the next morning my mom called my dad to inform the shocking news and for a second he thought I was the one who got knocked up. Of course just like us he got shocked but there's nothing we can do but to help my uncle and my cousin in any way we can. And for now keep our family secret ;) (which I can't help but put in my own electronic journal)

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

On another note, it's Monday again and there are lots to do today... Here are some of the stuffs I need to accomplish at the end of this week:

- Complete my personal evaluation here in our workplace
- Meet up lots of people for the work-related stuff
- I need to complete some of my pending reports
- Still clueless on how to edit, revise and improve template I've been using in the office
- Save until the payday comes (why I am soooo gastador????)

Oh well that's my list for now...

Facebook!

I must admit most of my free time are eaten up by my Facebook obsession. Who wouldn't be? You can connect to your long lost friends and relatives, you can play online games and earn coin (if these coins are convertible to cash, I would be very rich right now) and you can post anything and everthing what's on your mind.

What if Facebook was invented during the 1800s? Someone made a hilarious posts on what our national heroes think if they are on Facebook :)








Blogger's Note: Pictures are from http://noypi.me

Click on the pictures to view the image clearly!

Holidays!

Two more weeks and Christmas is already here!

I am nearly broke because of the following:

1. Buying gifts for my inaanak
2. Buying gifts for family, friends and officemates
3. Early booked flight to Coron Palawan next year
4. Shop a lot of dress, shoes and accessories for MYSELF (conceited and selfish me!)
5. Eating out and drinking too much coffee
6. Splurge on another new BDJ planner (thank God! it's already here)
7. Splurge on the NEW MOON additional collectibles
8. Upcoming dinners and get togethers during Christmas break with friends and colleagues


After all the impulse buys and splurges.... I still want these following ITEMS!

1. Books
- Follow your Heart by Andrew Matthews
- The Princess Diaries series 6-10 (I love Mia!)
- Sophie Kinsella's other chic-lit works (I am sooo HOOKED!)

2. Clothes
- pink knitted jacket
- shorts
- jumper

3. Shoes - I am still looking for a pink flats at Schu (with a discount) and I am yearning for a pair of high-heeled peep toe shoes at Charles and Keith in Robinson Galleria

HELP! I need sideline to indulge myself!!!!

Realizations....

OK That's it! I am tired of saying I am OK and I am fine but in reality I am a wreck. Before I moved out on the previous company I was working for I've been feeling depressed and not satisfied in life. After moving out and finding a more suitable workplace, I am feeling good for a while and making lots of plans that I think would help me expand my horizons. But I've been wrong. Those depression episodes are starting again. I thought it was just the dissatisfaction and pressure on the job that makes me depressed. Lately it felt like it was ME who got the problem. :(

I know I am in this phase called quarter-life crisis. I feel helpless and clueless. Though I carefully laid out my plans from the past, I can't help but feel sad and insecure upon seeing others achieved things that I should achieve in my age... I wish I know the remedy on this... :(

I just hope this is just the Monday blues... ooops! First day office work blues. I just pray everything would turn out right.