Happy Valentines!

Love is in the air and it's what romantic people are looking forward during February - Valentines day. For hopeless romantics this day define all efforts to be the most romantic person ever. Ever since I am not a fan of this day. Though I've been in relationships during and after college... I don't know, it just so happened that my exes are not fans of Valentines day so you would expect that none of them sent me a flowers or any of the cheesy stuff before. I just get used to the idea that Valentines is just an ordinary day to me... I received few Valentines cards and stuff toys in the past but none of them flowers or any surprises.

This year was quite different... this is the first time that I received flowers (yes, you hear it right!) and had a nice dinner after office. It's quite chaotic going out on a Valentines day since fine dining restaurants and even fast foods are filled up with people (either dating or just having ordinary dinner) so expect that it's an effort to queue up / order and then find a nice table to sit. I had to admit that I do have few ounce of patience left when it comes to big crowds and traffic. But today, this is the first Valentines date that I get to enjoy the day. Ni (my significant other) already gave me the flowers last night and the sweet gesture touched me. I know it sounds so shallow by other people who's used on getting flowers every Valentines day. For me, this is different. This is the first time that my special someone get out of his way to show how much he truly loves me on this special day. I used to remember in high school that I get envious of my other girl classmates who got flowers and cards during Valentines and I was secretly hoping someone would gave me one (hahaha! those were the days...). I am quite grateful and thankful that in this age of mine and 12 years after high school I got one special set of pink flowers and spent the night with my special someone who mean the world to me and looks forward on a journey of forever with him... So just this once, it may be as cheesy and sugary as jawbreaker candy, I just want to greet my special someone...

Happy Valentines Ni!




For me, they are the beautiful flowers in my life and thank you for this :)

Taking Charge of Life

It's been a long time since my last post. 2011 was quite a tumultuous year for me and this 2012 was quite another challenge. But whatever events or moments I had in my life and even if I seldom filled out my blog pages with new entries, I would still find time to fill in some new notes in my secret page. Another reason of my absence on this blog is that I am currently maintaining a new travel blog which contains all my escapades and previous trips I've done in the past. It was some sort of my travel diary and accounts on my happy days as a traveler.

Ok enough of the long explanation... my post is about my new resolution on how to look on things positively in life. I posted this on my Facebook page and I would like to share it here in my secret blog.

This was an e-mail sent to me without credit to the author. I do believe, however, its original intention was to be shared and I do hope it will help you take full responsibility for your own happiness.

I’d like to emphasize that it is only you who can make yourself happy—a simple life lesson that is very difficult to follow and see through, which is why I chose to share this.

For 2012, take charge of your own happiness. As Maria Robinson said, “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”

But before you can begin this process of transformation, you must stop doing the things that have been holding you back.

Here are some ideas to get you started:

1. Stop spending time with the wrong people. Life is too short to spend with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. Never, ever insist yourself with someone who continuously overlooks your worth. And remember, it’s not the people who stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst, who are your true friends.

2. Stop running from your problems. Face them head-on. It won’t be easy. There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them. We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems. That’s not how we’re made. In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall. Because that’s the whole purpose of living—to face problems, learn, adapt and solve them over time. This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.

3. Stop lying to yourself. You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself. Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves. Read “The Road Less Traveled.”

4. Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special, too. Yes, help others; but help yourself, too. If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.

5. Stop trying to be someone you’re not. One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you like everyone else. Someone will always be prettier, smarter, younger, but they will never be you. Don’t change just so that people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.

6. Stop trying to hold on to the past. You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep rereading your last one.

7. Stop being scared to make a mistake. Doing something and getting it wrong is, at least, 10 times more productive than doing nothing. Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading toward success. You end up regretting the things you did not do far more than the things you did.

8. Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us. We all make mistakes, have struggles and even regret things. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here now with the power to shape your day and your future. Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.

9. Stop trying to buy happiness. Many of the things we desire are expensive. But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free—love, laughter and working on our passions.

10. Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else, either. You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else.

11. Stop being idle. Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place. Evaluate situations and take decisive action. Making progress involves risk. Period!

12. Stop thinking you’re not ready. Nobody ever feels 100-percent ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.

13. Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. Relationships must be chosen wisely. It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company. There’s no need to rush. If something is meant to be, it will happen—in the right time, with the right person and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.

14. Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. In life, you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet. Some will test you, others will use you and still others will teach you. But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.

15. Stop trying to compete against everyone else. Don’t worry that others are doing better than you. Concentrate on beating your own record every day. Success is a battle between you and yourself only.

16. Stop being jealous of others. Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own. Ask yourself this: “What’s something I have that everyone wants?”

17. Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason—to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you. You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough. But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past. You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind or situation. So smile! Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.

18. Stop holding grudges. Don’t live your life with hate in your heart. You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate. Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.” It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.” Forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you, too. If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time.

19. Stop letting others bring you down to their level. Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.

20. Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others. Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it, anyway. Just do what you know in your heart is right.

21. Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break. The time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. Sometimes, you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.

22. Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things. The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.

23. Stop trying to make things perfect. The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done. Read “Getting Things Done.”

24. Stop following the path of least resistance. Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile. Don’t take the easy way out. Do something extraordinary.

25. Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. It’s okay to fall apart for a little while. You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well. Cry if you need to—it’s healthy to shed your tears. The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.

26. Stop blaming others for your troubles. The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life. When you blame others for what you’re going through, you give others power over that part of your life.

27. Stop trying to be everything to everyone. Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out. But making one person smile can change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. So narrow your focus.

28. Stop worrying so much. Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy. One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time? Three years? Five years?” If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.

29. Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. Focus on what you do want to happen. Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story. If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.

30. Stop being ungrateful. No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life. Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs. Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.

Teacher Stories

From: hothotbuzz.com

October 5, is commemorated as world teachers day... and in this day... I would mention a lot about teachers

• When I was a kid, I also dream of becoming a teacher
• My mom is my first teacher. She was the one busy making exams and quizzes for me.
• I will never forget my elementary teacher Ms. Tan because she threw my notebook outside the classroom. I was busy copying notes rather than listening to her
• Mrs. Manalo, taught our Grade 5 class to become bookworms and wide reader. Part of my being a bookworm aside from my mother is my grade 5 adviser. She encourage us to read books everyday aside from our schoolbooks
• I cannot forget my 2nd year adviser Mrs. Perez because of that yearlong scrapbook on Values Education. My talent as an artist never developed :P
• I am afraid of my 3rd year adviser Mrs. Alfonso. Her killing stare makes you sweat like a pig in her Algebra class
• I love my fourth year adviser Mrs. Esteban, she was the one who encouraged me to do my best and come out on the top of the class. We still hang out today and catch up with my HS friends once in a while 
• I tutored Mrs. Esteban’s twins.
• I hate my Accounting teacher Mr. Talavera. Enough said. If you’re in my batch, you know what I’m talking about
• I like Sir David’s dedication to me before our HS graduation for our English literature subject. Up until this day, his message rings in my ear. “You are one of the rare species that would make the world a better place”
• I like my Symbolic teacher, which I already forgot her surname. She was the one who exempt me from taking the final exams during first year college
• I hate Mrs. Arguson, she was the major reason why I did not qualified for the dean’s lister roster. She gave me an unknown 2.75 and I regularly attend her classes. That f*cking 2.75 cost me my whole transcript of records and a shot for a latin honors.
• I miss Mam Nofuente, my Philippine Constitution and JRizal professor. She was one of those few professors in college who believes in the capacity of her students
• I would never forget Mr. Vergara whom I clashed during system design defense and other reporting in college.Now, Ryan is one of my colleagues and closest friends. He was the one who encourage me to get out of academe and work at IT industry. Until this day, I am still grateful for his kind words of wisdom and encouragement
• I don’t like my Physics professor Mr. Macha, he tends to throw things at his students when he is irked or irritated on our noise
• Most of my major subjects’ professors are my friends.
• I became a computer instructor after graduating from college. Teaching is fun. But I need to live
• I miss my computer engineering students and some of my computer studies students
• I am proud and happy to know that my previous students are achievers in the IT industry.
• I hate to admit that I get thrilled when asked to be a panellist in Thesis and other major subject defenses. It gave me different kind of rush ;)
• My dad who showed things that weren’t taught in classroom. He told me how to strive hard to achieve my dreams and goals in life
• To my previous bosses Sir Eboy and Sir Ferdie, who showed me what should be real bosses, are. Warm, good-natured, funny, approachable and open to endless ideas.
• To my 3rd organization officemate/teammates, who in some way imparted me useful criticisms and office etiquettes, I owe it a lot because it helped me become a better colleague
• To my Hypercom experience, it taught me different realizations and gave way on reaching one dream before... to work on my dream company today. It just shows that when things end there might be a more beautiful scenario unfolding right before your eyes.

Movie: No Other Woman

From: starmometer.com

Last Saturday, I was out with my college friend K and my SO. We watched NOW since we were all intrigued by the trailer. We went to Alabang Town Center hoping to catch the 3:00pm showing since K is reminding me about the huge queues for the movie tickets. Thankfully Alabang Town Center has reservation seats so we were comfortably seated. I and SO bought movie tickets before taking lunch at CPK. After our lunch we went inside the cinema and true enough, the movie house is filling up fast. Buti nalang we bought tickets earlier and choose a strategic seat so we can enjoy watching the movie.

I would say NOW is a good movie. It tackles the modern tale of marriage and infidelity issues. Even those people who are not yet married or not a mistress can relate to the movie. It showed how modern marriages evolved and how modern women fight for their love and marriage. It was really nice seeing Anne Curtis levelling up as one of the upcoming versatile actress nailing her role as the mistress of Derek Ramsay and it was nice seeing Cristine Reyes improving her acting skills. Carmi Martin is also a great add up to the cast since she brought funny lines on marriage and mistresses. My favourite scene in the movie is the confrontation scene where Anne and Cristine battle with their bikinis on up to the part where Cristine is seething dark with anger about affair and her breakdown with Derek. As the movie is nearing its end, there is just one big message across the whole affair, the guy would always end up with his wife and for the mistresses, its no use fighting and breaking up someone’s marriage. Because in the end, you will only end up hurt and broken. A mistress is always at the losing end, period.

To sum up the movie, here are my favourite lines from the movie characters 

Carmi Martin: (Cristine’s mom who got the funniest lines)
• Kung ahas siya mas ahas ako! Tahimik pero kapag kinanti – nanunuklaw!
This was during the 50th anniversary of Cristine’s grand parents crying in her golden dress (that depicts her noveau rich status in life) and dealing with her own marriage problem

• Naku. Ganyan talaga kapag galing sa makating dikya, nagmamarka.
Seeing that all too-familiar hickey in her son-in-law’s neck...

• Ang mundo ay isang malaking Quiapo. Maraming snatcher. Maagawan ka. Lumaban ka!
Tarush! This should be every girl’s mom!

• Panahon na para i-pack-up ‘yang si Lucy Torres mo. Ilabas mo na diyan si Gretchen Barretto. Sabi nga niya sa Magkaribal, ‘You want war? I’ll give you war.’ Anak, ako na ang bahala sa red stilettos mo!
This is another one fantastic line! This is while Carmi Martin was encouraging Cristine to fight back the mistress of her husband.

• Pare-parehong p*ta lang iyon! Yung p*tang mayaman, original ang Hermes. Yung mahirap, binili sa Greenhills.
This was the most hilarious line of all! Everyone was laughing inside the movie house.

Anne Curtis: (as the sosyal and seductive playgirl / heiress Kara Zalderiaga)
• I know the market, because I AM the market.
Bratty si ate! :P

• No pressure. Just shut up and kiss me. And don’t you dare fall in love with me.
Pero na-fall din sya :P

• Wе’re јυѕt two consenting adults having fun, thеrе’s nο emotional attachment
Yeah right… this is just a statement of someone playing safe… and I have to agree on Anne’s gay friend in the movie, fun sa una pero once everything is out in the open that’s another story… (bakit ba ako affected masyado sa movie???)

• I’m not a mistress. I never was and I never will be one.
Talaga lang ha...

• A woman will only be a mistress if there’s an emotional attachment.
But eventually, you will have an emotional attachment.. ilang beses na sinabi yan sa Cosmo magazine! Mapa-international cover or local cover :P Hindi nagbabasa si ate :P hahahah

• They’re my guilty pleasures. But I really don’t feel guilty ‘cause I deserve them.
This was pertaining to the bag that Anne and Cristine is been fighting for. It might be symbolic to say that the bag is Derek ;)

• Buti pinapasok ka dito sa resort... bawal kasi ang ugaling squatter dito eh...
This is pertaining to Cristine during their confrontation scene in the resort. Kabugan lang ng lines...

• Paano mo naman malalaman na masarap pala pag di mo titikman? Kahit alam mong bawal, labanan mo cos’ eventually your body will just get used to it.
I was smiling while seeing this scene. It can be a double meaning but Anne is pertaining to seafood allergies.

• You can call me anything you want: a snake, a bitch, an other woman. But I will never be a pathetic, boring housewife.
Kasi naman ang boring ni Cristine eh... how can you compete with Anne’s bikini... sige nga... hahaha :D

• Gagawin ko ang lahat wag mo lang akong iwan
Ouch! Super desperate move ate! :P

• Ano ang gagawin ninyo if the only man you love is unfortunately married? I am not gonna give up Ram without putting a goddamn fight!
This is also a winner scene! I love it while Anne was throwing the wine glass... sabi nya kanina, no emotional attachment pala ha... :P

Cristine Reyes: (as Derek’s subservient wife who later on fights back)
• Alam mo ba ang tawag sa mang-aagaw ng asawa? Ahas! Bikini mo ba iyan o balat mo?
Winner ang katarayan! And it was right on because in that scene Anne is wearing a snake skin print bikini while Cristine on the other hand was wearing boring two piece bikini. :D

• Baka makita mo pang nilalagyan ko ng lason ang pagkain mo. Joke lang. Medyo off yung humor ko lately.
You should be really scared... and if I’m in Cristine’s position, I would do the same :P

• Mababaliw siguro ako kapag nalaman kong may babae siya. Baka mapatay ko iyong kabit. Silang dalawa, actually.
You should be really really scared... homicidal tendencies... :P

• Alam mo kasi ang marriage parang exclusive village. Kailangan mong bantayan para hindi makapasok ang mga squatters.
Tariray to the highest level ang wifey ;)

• Why don’t you have dinner with us tonight? Pa-thank you ko na rin dahil kinuha mo ang asawa ko… bilang supplier ng furtinure sa resort niyo.
Hahaha! May kasunod pala kala ko kung pano kinuha...

• The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Pero sa ganda mong iyan, siguradong marami kang alam na shortcuts.
And then right on cue, Derek says cheers... hahaha. Makahalata kayo sa subtle message ni misis :P

• Ano bang mas madaling kalaban, yung p*tang mahirap o yung p*tang mayaman?
May difference ba yun? Carmi Martin already said the difference :P hahaha

• Hindi ako to! Pero ginagawa ko to para sayo!
Heartbreaking

Other funny lines in the movie:
Saleslady: Ma’am marami pa po kami stock ng bag na yan.

And this was after Anne and Cristine were already exchanging dagger looks and venomous lines while fighting for the blue designer bag. Si ateng saleslady saka lang nagsalita!

Kitkat: May pa-party ba si Barney at hindi ako invited?!

This was seeing Anne and Cristine in the same purple color of their clothes while in a mall

Late Post: Find the X....

From: fanpop.com

Find the value of X... the first problem you encounter while solving that damn Algebra exam or quiz. The common variable used in programming languages. The common letter that depicts a lot of meaning. Even in lovelife, X is something you cannot forget or you want to forget and move to hell... just kidding! :P

My entry is not about finding X in Algebra nor solves that damned X variable in programming language, let alone put it in a symbolic logic subject or that legendary Venn diagram. It’s about an opinion on X (not X-men, also :P). Before this entry would end up as a pretentious and highly categorized as “corny” by my trusted readers or followers (if there’s any :P), it’s all about my musings about exes. When does you put the line and boundaries when dealing with ex? Is it possible that exes could be good friends after a bitter ordeal or is it much better forgetting them at all for a smooth moving on? Some people say that being good friends with ex shows maturity and moving forward without bitterness. I’ve been in relationships wherein I wasn’t the first girlfriend so I am always expecting there was an existing ex somewhere. Ever since I’ve been asking myself, how far should two exes be civilized enough to respect their current partners? I’m not saying it’s not good keeping in touch with ex but is it possible to avoid any other communication that would totally rekindle any suppressed feelings? I’ve written this note because last Sunday, I was out with my college friend K, we’ve been discussing about relationship matters (this is while having Wendy’s dinner at Festival). It came up on the discussion of previous relationships. I must admit that one factor and one of the major reasons why I end up my 6 years relationship is because of an ex-girlfriend aside from other trivial issues. Me and K were discussing that previous relationships has an effect on the current ones especially if the two parties are not yet into moving forward stage or if the other party are still chasing after your partner. It was sordid affair I would say. I and K both agreed on one thing and this one of my lessons learned: It’s not advisable to enter in a relationship wherein your current partner has issues on the exes. It just destroys trust and start of endless arguments that eventually would lead into fateful demise of your relationship. If your prospective partner is not yet in the process of moving on, it is better if you just find someone else who do not have any conflicts or hang-ups on previous relationships. In line to this discussion, I’ve put up my own list of my opinion towards on dealing with exes.

1. As much as possible during and after break-up, do not contact your ex. Moving forward means having clean slate and doing things on your own. Any kind of hang-ups whether big or small issues could have an impact on your determination of moving on
2. If you are in a relationship, it is better to be honest to your current partner. He or She has a right to know what happened why your previous relationship didn’t work. Whoever’s fault is the break-up, it is still important that your current partner knows the real reason and score
3. Though some would suggest it would be better that you are civil with your ex, do not try to be close or be friends again. I am a firm believer that no two exes could be best friends. Not unless both parties want to rekindle the relationship or give it a shot or hoping in the future...
4. Respect your current partner. It’s not good communicating with ex while in a relationship. Even if your partner is 100% or 200% understanding about it, it would take a toll on your relationship. I remembered in my previous relationship, that my ex is still communicating with his ex since they are college classmates and friends, though I may be cool and OK with it, I had to admit it came to a point wherein I was already full of rage and seething deep inside because of his unknown meetups with his former flame. I was ready to shoot daggers with my ex that time. :P
5. As much as possible dispose all things that remind of your ex. Not only it will help you on moving on but it is also a sign of respect to your current partner. There’s no use going back on old letters, pictures, dried up flowers and other memorabilias which stirs up pent-up emotions (not unless you’re still holding on to something you let go)

Breaking up is hard and a bitter ordeal. Dealing with exes is another story and scenario. But as my mom reminded me months ago, “when you end up things with someone, make sure you are strong enough to move on and fight the urge of going back together.” My mom told me that there’s no use getting back on someone who you thought you had issues. Once you dropped the verdict in your relationship, be strong and firm in sticking in your life changing decisions. As you move forward, ex should be a thing of the past by now. It should be a reminder on lessons learned in love and not a reminder of what-ifs.

Late Post: Break Up Diaries

From: weheartit.com

Endless nights of crying to sleep. Binge-eating chocolate and any sweet pastries you can get your hands. Watching DVD marathon of romantic-comedies and other funny chick flicks just to make you feel good about yourself. Minus the fact that after a few sordid moments of movie credits you’ll be back on your bawling marathon. Reading chic-lit novels just to ward off the harmful thoughts. Dreaming in your own room wishing one day he would come back or wishing you will find a much more deserving man in your life. Living in denial that nothing is changed in your life. You sneaked one or two bottles of vodka just to fall asleep and forget those sordid days when all got to do is fight and rebel against each other. Shopping-spree like there’s no tomorrow wishing those beautiful shoes and dress would make you feel better just because deep inside you feel ugly and unappreciated. You even went on going on a solo trip just to find yourself. You splurge on a fine dining restaurant alone just to enjoy the perks of things your ex didn’t do to you. You were even contemplating on yourself if you’re going to avail checking in a five-star hotel on your own just to pamper your tired heart and mind.

These are the common scenarios during break-up or most of them anyway. It will left you hurt and broken. It feels like you’re drowning in sorrow and madness. You feel like this won’t end and you feel like you were cursed straight from hell. If it weren’t for that career you’ve been working for years, you’ll be devastated again as hell. Girls always went through in this scenario. No matter how old you are, you will always experience the pain of breaking up in the relationship. No matter whose party it was on deciding the big B, it will always be painful and depressing. We’ve been through different stages of relationship and in journey of finding THE ONE we always encountered the truth that breaks-up really hurts. Break ups can make or break us. For some it would mean sinking deeper into despair, desolation and depression. For some it would be a momentous realization that you deserve someone better than that scumbag ex of yours. For some it would make you fiercer and more motivated to prove your ex that you are way better without him. Whatever circumstances break up brings, always remember this, things happen for a reason because God knows all the time what type of person is suited for you. We weren’t thrown into a situation that we can’t come out unscathed. Also, break-ups are another way of embracing new chapter in our lives. We may be regretting or crying over our ex because of all issues and problems that weren’t fixed while in a relationship. Be thankful it happened because something more beautiful, exciting and adventurous life awaits us. I know, I know, break-ups are shits and I am a living testament that it really is, but always generate a positive outlook, that it is the start of something beautiful in our lives. Dry those tears, cheer yourself up and pamper yourself. Who knows that someone better than your ex is just around the corner. It’s no easy feat but sooner or later, you’ll get better and happier.

Late Post: End of Days...

From: weheartit.com

What is love and commitment anyway? Two simple words but when put together, it bring a lot of meaning to someone else’s lives. All of us went through the different phases of relationship. When we were young we are blinded by the thought of love: Roses, letters, romantic dates, looks and sappiness. As we grow older, our ideas and ways on love changes. Some may be for better or some for worse. I must admit I got a fair share of heartbreaks, happiness, anger, madness and some crazy episodes on taking the journey in love and in search of “the One”.

For more than a few months now, I ended up my six-year relationship. A lot of people were surprised especially on my ex’s side since they were expecting we will end up together. I expected that too, for a long time. I’ve been waiting for a long time. Sometimes, I even asked my ex what is our plans and directions in life, he couldn’t answer me. All he can say is I’m too young and he’s not ready. At the back of my mind, how young is a 27 years old girl and why the guy is not yet ready when he’s already hitting early 30’s. A lot of people would think this is just an episode of serious soul searching. Trust me, I’ve already done that plenty of times, it even came to a point that I went outside the country to find myself lost in translation of our so-called relationship. Sometimes I feel like I am single and sometime I feel like I’m in a relationship, 50-50. There are times I need someone when my moodiness kicks in and yet I have no one to turn to. Sometimes I don’t feel that special. I feel I was never a top priority above all other things. Sometimes I cry in the dark hoping everything will be OK and I would be able to bounce back, cheering myself that we will take the further step in due time. But deep inside, I am not OK. Subconsciously I am already looking for a great diversion in my life. My ever trusted journal would tell you, how frustrated and sad I am for the last 10 months. My journal is my lists of all the accounts in my life and ideas about my current feelings. I know that journal signifies what I am feeling for the last 10 months. I am not happy like what I am trying to portray to everyone. I am trying to have fun and don’t seem to mind that I go out without him, but deep inside, it hurts a lot and that he doesn’t even care to know my dearest and closest friends. I know I am not perfect, I do have weird quirks and have my own set of moods but I am trying to put up a fight in our relationship. I’ve been trying to ask him for the longest time and we even went through a series of arguments because of commitment and plans. Sometimes, guys think that girls are materialistic and demanding but there are just few things that are very important to us: time, love, commitment, future plans, assurance / security and simple effort. For me love and commitment alone would be important since it signifies the rest. You cannot commit to a person if you are not secured and assured. You will love the person more if there are simple efforts put up in the relationship. I’ve been trying to hold on since our last break up. Four years ago, we broke up for a reason that he found someone else aside from me and yet blindingly, I still accepted him and love him like the first years we were together. But those memories bore a deep wound inside of me. Our relationship was like a broken glass and for many years I’ve been trying to hold on to those broken pieces of glass. Even if it cuts through me and it left me wounded, I was still trying to hold on to it. I was trying to salvage our broken glass and in the end, it hurt me more and left me bleeding for years.

I know the experience in that six year period was not that easy and to be honest, it was not that easy to let go. Thinking about the pain, the happy times, memories, the sadness, tears, promises, words, disagreements, frustrations and anger, it can still make me cry. Nobody says breaking up is easy. Even if you were the one initiating the whole thing, it was too complicated. I know some would say that what I’ve been through is a five year itch, but heck, we even managed to go through six years and yet our relationship did not survive. I know it takes two to tango, we did have our own set of mistakes and I wouldn’t hide the fact that I was already in a rebellious mood six months before I ended up our relationship. I was too confused and lost. Confused, because I know I have reached the crossroad in my quarter life crisis and it doesn’t help that I am lost in the direction of our relationship. There was no assurance and security. For years I’ve been waiting, even the simplest statement such as, “I will take care of you”. I already accepted the fact before that he was not the romantic type and he possesses the attitude of being insensitive and stubborn. One of my friend even commented that our love story is just like “One More Chance” and I utterly disagree. In the movie Popoy has future plans with Basha, it was Basha who called it quits because she was already suffocated by Popoy’s controlling ways. In our own set of story, he does not have any plans for us and I already changed due to deep hurt and frustration. I am just a human, not a superwoman. In the long run I managed to put up with everything that’s on the line, sometimes I even felt I could even sell my soul just to make this relationship grow. Everything will still come to an end because relationships should not be a one-way street, but a two-way street. I know I put everything on stake on this relationship and there was no easy way out... But I need to make a heart-wrenching decision: let go and move on. This is the only way I can only figure out myself and stay sane for the rest of my life. I am neither a robot nor a superhero, at the end of the day; I am a simple girl with simple wants and needs. That simple wants and needs in a relationship is deeper commitment. Times change and things change... so am I.