Late Post: Find the X....

From: fanpop.com

Find the value of X... the first problem you encounter while solving that damn Algebra exam or quiz. The common variable used in programming languages. The common letter that depicts a lot of meaning. Even in lovelife, X is something you cannot forget or you want to forget and move to hell... just kidding! :P

My entry is not about finding X in Algebra nor solves that damned X variable in programming language, let alone put it in a symbolic logic subject or that legendary Venn diagram. It’s about an opinion on X (not X-men, also :P). Before this entry would end up as a pretentious and highly categorized as “corny” by my trusted readers or followers (if there’s any :P), it’s all about my musings about exes. When does you put the line and boundaries when dealing with ex? Is it possible that exes could be good friends after a bitter ordeal or is it much better forgetting them at all for a smooth moving on? Some people say that being good friends with ex shows maturity and moving forward without bitterness. I’ve been in relationships wherein I wasn’t the first girlfriend so I am always expecting there was an existing ex somewhere. Ever since I’ve been asking myself, how far should two exes be civilized enough to respect their current partners? I’m not saying it’s not good keeping in touch with ex but is it possible to avoid any other communication that would totally rekindle any suppressed feelings? I’ve written this note because last Sunday, I was out with my college friend K, we’ve been discussing about relationship matters (this is while having Wendy’s dinner at Festival). It came up on the discussion of previous relationships. I must admit that one factor and one of the major reasons why I end up my 6 years relationship is because of an ex-girlfriend aside from other trivial issues. Me and K were discussing that previous relationships has an effect on the current ones especially if the two parties are not yet into moving forward stage or if the other party are still chasing after your partner. It was sordid affair I would say. I and K both agreed on one thing and this one of my lessons learned: It’s not advisable to enter in a relationship wherein your current partner has issues on the exes. It just destroys trust and start of endless arguments that eventually would lead into fateful demise of your relationship. If your prospective partner is not yet in the process of moving on, it is better if you just find someone else who do not have any conflicts or hang-ups on previous relationships. In line to this discussion, I’ve put up my own list of my opinion towards on dealing with exes.

1. As much as possible during and after break-up, do not contact your ex. Moving forward means having clean slate and doing things on your own. Any kind of hang-ups whether big or small issues could have an impact on your determination of moving on
2. If you are in a relationship, it is better to be honest to your current partner. He or She has a right to know what happened why your previous relationship didn’t work. Whoever’s fault is the break-up, it is still important that your current partner knows the real reason and score
3. Though some would suggest it would be better that you are civil with your ex, do not try to be close or be friends again. I am a firm believer that no two exes could be best friends. Not unless both parties want to rekindle the relationship or give it a shot or hoping in the future...
4. Respect your current partner. It’s not good communicating with ex while in a relationship. Even if your partner is 100% or 200% understanding about it, it would take a toll on your relationship. I remembered in my previous relationship, that my ex is still communicating with his ex since they are college classmates and friends, though I may be cool and OK with it, I had to admit it came to a point wherein I was already full of rage and seething deep inside because of his unknown meetups with his former flame. I was ready to shoot daggers with my ex that time. :P
5. As much as possible dispose all things that remind of your ex. Not only it will help you on moving on but it is also a sign of respect to your current partner. There’s no use going back on old letters, pictures, dried up flowers and other memorabilias which stirs up pent-up emotions (not unless you’re still holding on to something you let go)

Breaking up is hard and a bitter ordeal. Dealing with exes is another story and scenario. But as my mom reminded me months ago, “when you end up things with someone, make sure you are strong enough to move on and fight the urge of going back together.” My mom told me that there’s no use getting back on someone who you thought you had issues. Once you dropped the verdict in your relationship, be strong and firm in sticking in your life changing decisions. As you move forward, ex should be a thing of the past by now. It should be a reminder on lessons learned in love and not a reminder of what-ifs.