Emptying Thoughts...

This is the first time in many years I felt the emptiness. I know I am not feeling well emotionally… Been reading hopeless romantic quotes hoping to catch the sparks of love, drowning myself on alternative and rock music hoping the pain would go away, appetite is losing, watching movies mindlessly and trying to relate myself on make-believe. For so many years this is the time where I feel so empty and sad. Too empty that even tears can't fall out freely but draining every ounce of self-control and rationality left. Too angry to be angry anymore, too mad to throw things out and you will find yourself sitting in your room with a vacant thoughts and staring at nothing. You try to write your emotions, trying to figure what to do and fight the immense pain of seeing his face haunting you. Even when you’re asleep he keeps invading your dreams like he was a nightmare straight from hell. All you wanted is peace and solitude. You wish sometimes that your mind is like a computer memory space that you can format when bad sectors invades your disk, like our mind when trying to forget bittersweet memories that keep popping in your mind like it won’t go away…

Things moved up so fast that you can’t grasp everything in your hands. The next thing you knew it was already gone. Just like sand castles built in the seashore, waves crashing in and tumble everything you build up. You can’t explain how you are feeling and wish you were somewhere far away from places where his memories keep disturbing you. You know you need to be happy and you need to fight the sadness you feel. You try your best to let go but it was hard. So hard that sometimes you feel it would kill you instantly, and if not instantly maybe someday…

You look for places where peace is present. You sit on empty chairs of chapels and churches hoping that the pain and sadness will go away. Pray that everything will be alright and wish there would be sunshine after the rainy clouds. After a few minutes of silence you go back to reality and face the hurtful truth. Damn, I wish this pain will go away… I can cry all I might but it won’t be suffice enough to save me from the sadness it caused. I hope in due time everything will be alright and I have enough reasons to understand the cause of this pain…